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I cried with complete abandon this
morning after watching a replay of the race. With about 400 meters to
go, I caught the crab that took us from first place to out of the
race. I have not sobbed like that since discovering that my parents
were divorcing.
This has been the most emotionally
invested I have ever been in a single race season. Part of it is the
amount of sheer resources I have devoted to this project. I left my
home for the summer, I walked away from the quad at
Malta, I left my friends in Seattle, I traveled repeatedly out to the East Coast
for training camps and regattas. I worked for days just to bring a
group of guys and coaches together to build this quad. I made the
boat, I made stroke seat. We trained for weeks together. But it
wasn't enough.
When the pressure was on, I faltered.
At 38 strokes per minute, trying to steer the boat, trying to
increase the pressure, watching the two competing quads come at us
and eat away our lead, I lost my focus and got too tight and had a
stroke that ended the season for me and my three teammates and our
coaches.
So now I take two weeks off and get
ready to do it again. I have a dream of racing for the USA and I am
not done with it yet. I have more I can give, I just have to get
more and more careful about it as I get older and my body wears down.
But I will stay at it. I am going to make the team, even if it
takes me four more years.
I have no regrets about this
experience. It has been the greatest season in my rowing career and
I am faster for it. I will eventually crawl out of the guilt hole in
which I have buried myself. The men I rowed with and coaches who trained me this summer were some of the best I have ever been with, and the experience was a privilege.
New season goals: sub 20:10 6k, sub
6:18 2k for the erg. Top 3 finish at NSR I in the light 1x. Top 3
finish at NSR II in the heavy or light double. Go to a quad camp.
Make the quad. Win trials. Win a medal at the World Championship
Regatta.
